Apart from my volunteer work, I am also an Au-Pair. I help out a couple of hours a day with the chores and the children of the family I am staying with in exchange for room and food. Along with volunteering, it fills my days. I'm glad I chose to do this. I've learned a lot from this family. I think I have learned a valuable lesson from having to be a part of a family outside my own family. Especially since we are so different.
I help take care of Charlotte and Madisson, aged 18 and 4 months. They are beautiful little girls, Charlotte with red hair that when long enough will be in curls, and Maddie still a little bald. I also help out with chores, and clean the floors thoroughly once a week. Rebecca, the mom, is here with me while I help out. She isn't working right now because both of the girls are so young. I really felt I have made a difference in this family with my time here. They are a defense family, so a military family, and Cameron, the dad, has to be away often because of his job, leaving Rebecca to deal with the girls by herself, since they don't live near friends or family. This is where they are posted for Cam's job, so they are new to the area too, and don't have many friends either.
I was greeted by Rebecca at the airport with one baby strapped to her cheat, and chasing the other energetic one around the waiting area. I knew it was them instantly. It wasn't until a couple of days into helping that I realized how much I was actually helping.
After chores one day, Rebecca said, wow, I've never finished chows this quick before, and she fell asleep on the couch. A very much needed and well deserved nap. Apart from being sleep deprived, because that is a given with young children, she was also being literally drained of her energy when breast feeding.
I was really glad I was helping her as much as I was. Just the little things, like picking up after dinner, playing with the girls, made sure they were getting the attention they deserved, and taking some of the weight off her shoulders. Being a mom was her full time job, and she does an excellent job, exhausting, but excellent. I really admire her for the dedication she has to her girls, and think how lucky she is that she gets to be there for every moment. Every giggle, every roll, every first wee in the potty, she would celebrate with her girls. I knew that when my day comes, I want to be there for that too. Australians get more maternity leave than Americans do, but Rebecca has more because she isn't working and because she had two so close together. Still, I don't want my job to get in the way of my being a mom. And now I find myself conflicted between the new world desire of being a successful woman with a career and financial stability and safety, to thinking about gender roles, and how I really want to be the mom that packs lunches, and embarrasses their kids at school events, and has dinner ready every night. But I still have time to think about that, for now. If and when it happens, it will be in the distant future, because I can't do either, female with a career, or child bearing housewife without first being prepared. And living with this family has me confident that I will be more than prepared when my time comes.
I've worked on my patience, I can color for hours on end, I've worked on my housewife skills, cooking and cleaning for other people requires you to exceed your standards in order to make sure everyone is happy with your performance. Rebecca has taught me the importance that order and cleanliness play in a safe and effective family atmosphere. We also eat dinner together almost every night. Same set up, set the table, drinks, plates and silver ware, and a meal shared as a family. It's not that I don't get that, it's just that it's more structured and consistent here. Like a stereotypical perfect family. We aren't perfect, but the Lane family definitely puts in that extra effort. I've learned how to keep both girls happy, and that I won't always be successful in my attempts. I've also learned what a vital role the mother plays in the family. She can always pull stuff together when all else fails, and she is the only one who can make the girls happy every time. I might be able to most of the time, but she can every time. Ive also seen how tiring it is, not just parenthood, but marriage, marriage with parenthood is just something else on its own. And I realize that while we go to school so that the few of us who are going to have careers, can get educated Ina specific job field. People are missing the only positions that are definite, that every one will hold, education or no education; a parent and a spouse. Okay, we have our degrees, and our careers, but how to we functions as mothers and wives? When the first thought of how to prepare for this doesn't hit till we are about to cross the threshold.
I feel like I will be prepared now. Having helped raise a few kids along the way, seen successful/ unsuccessful relationships inside and outside my family, I think I will have an idea about what's going on after I get my degree and have my career.
One of Rebecca's friends who came to visit asked, So what does the baby do all day, how do you now what's wrong with it. Probably never having changed a diaper in her life, this law school student, a good decade older than me, was closer to having a career than me, but I could see some stressful days of motherhood ahead of her.
Another of Rebecca's friends thanked me, because it was evident that Rebecca's quality of life had improved since my arrival.
I've even got past that point of dreading to change diapers. There's something about changing diapers when you are a preteen that just makes it wrong on so many emotional, psychological, physical levels, that I hated it with a passion. Pretended I didn't notice, tried to hand off the duty to someone else. But now, I'm a pro, don't see it as a burden, but as something that gets done. I think I have that mother instinct although I'm not a mother myself. I'm glad to have these skills for the future.
Also, when people make fun of me for working on a farm, for being a maid and a nanny, instead of going straight to school, I take it in, and it only makes me more certain that not only am I more prepared than these people will ever be, I welcome the lessons of hard work, the lifestyle of generations of far workers before me, and the healthy and clean habits I have developed early, and pray that they are quick learners.
And so to motherhood, a time of my life I look forward to, and in
It's due time, I welcome the challenges and happiness you will bring, hoping that in the future I am even more prepared and eager for your arrival. Because although we retire from our jobs, and our lives settle down and change, we never stop being mothers or fathers.
No comments:
Post a Comment