In Barcelona, I spent the two weeks before I went home feeling like I belonged again. I felt a weird connection to this place. I felt like it was my real "motherland". Identity crisis at it's finest!
I am American because I was born in America. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud to be an American and know that I truly have the resources to live the dream and that this truly is the land of opportunity. But I'm also very proud to have Salvadorean roots. I'm proud of my parents and I'm proud to be bilingual. But I speak Spanish, maybe not the same version with that intriguing lisp, but the language of the land that ultimately conquered and influenced where I came from.
I felt at home. I could speak fluently and I looked like everyone there. I could read the street signs, effortlessly ask for directions, and order confidently at restaurants.
AND, it was beautiful.
If anything, I embraced the fact that I as a person am eclectic in my culture.
I volunteered at the hostel where I stayed by helping the cleaning lady clean. We grew to be friends during the two weeks I was there, and I was appalled at the low rates she was being paid. But like anywhere in the world, people who can't do it legally will do it for cheap. Although the work I did doesn't count as volunteer towards my scholarship, I learned a lot from this cleaning lady in Barcelona. I learned so much about her struggles, and her goals. I mostly listened to her, which I found I had to do a lot of while traveling. I knew some very intimate aspects of her life but we never exchanged our names. It's like that was the least of the things we could share with each other to feel like we were sharing.
Cleaning went quickly listening to her stories of expired visas, grandchildren she's never met, and saving up to visit her family.
What I have found worldwide is that no matter who it is, where, or when, everyone needs someone to talk to, someone to listen, and make them feel like their struggle means something in the great scheme of things.
Sight seeing was the best. One day while we were trying to go on a walking tour, Laura and I ended up on the back of these two army guys' bikes riding around town. Painful and fast, it was the best way to get around town. I even ripped my pants, so you know
It was fun.
Barcelona was the best way to end the first part of my gap year before going home for my sister's wedding. Honestly, I couldn't wait to be home. I really needed to be with my family again.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Blessed.
The night is darkest before the dawn. Or something like that. Feeling alone is a terrifying thing. But feeling alone while surrounded by people may be even worse.
Throughout my gap year I have realized I am a pretty poor planner. Really. Ask my friends. All my life I have tried to plan my way to success, to security, to happiness. But sometimes, that doesn't work out. And there is a difference between planning things thoroughly, and knowing enough to get you by. Abroad and traveling, planning is best, works out usually, but knowing enough and having the skills to improvise when things don't turn out according to plan is essential to survival on your own, and in life in general.
During times when I have felt most alone, there was one thing that kept me calm, and saved me from depression. Moments when I felt most alone, when I didn't know where to turn, didn't have anyone to turn to, and didn't know what to do next, I always thought about God. I prayed. I asked for guidance, for strength, for patience, and most of all gave thanks.
On my gap year, traveling and volunteering, things change day by day. Whereas at home you know all the ropes, know the language, know the area, know people, know how to get yourself out of a sticky situation, abroad, you don't. Some new challenge presents itself everyday; something noteworthy happens everyday.
There were often times I thought I knew where I was, but was lost. Lost in Italy, in France, in Spain, in plenty of places. But you learn not to freak out, because you can't afford to. So I kept my head clear and prayed. Simple things such as looking at a map or asking for directions used to be so intimidating, and so hard to bring myself to do, that wandering aimlessly seemed more appealing.
But with the guidance of God, I always found my way, gathered up the courage to ask for directions in Italian, to take the time to figure out a metro system and get my ass home. Every time I ventured out, "en Dios creo y en nada temo". I don't know how to pinpoint, or summarize my religion, but Jesus is my savior and I confide in God. Whenever I got to where I was trying to go, "thank you God, for getting me here". Thank you God for another day. For another chance to experience something new, to grow, to love, to explore, to fear, to laugh, to cry, another chance to give you thanks.
When you are so unsure of so many things around you, it is nice to know that one thing is always for sure. God is there, He will protect me, and lead me down the right path.
I can't explain how blessed I am. Throughout this time I have spent away from home and my family, the list of things that could have gone wrong is endless and then some. But thanks to Him, things have worked out the way they were meant to be.
I want to discuss something that I came to refer to as the "Domino Effect" or as Amy Dingler so eloquently phrased it, the "Spotlight". I discussed it with Laura Vriend as well, a very good friend I made while working on a farm in Tuscany. Everyday presents knew options, choices to be made, and effects those choices will have. And thank God, the choices I have made with his help have led me down a fun, safe, and beneficial path. I couldn't ask for a better turnout.
Laura and I would talk about how we ended up on the same farm. From the thousands of farms on the list to choose from, we chose the same one. Both first time travelers, both nineteen, both girls, set to arrive on the same day. I was friends with Laura before I met her. And when she got off the bus and I saw her for the first time, I not only knew it was her, I called out her name out loudly as if greeting an old friend. I then traveled with Laura to two other countries and made a friend for life. Coincidence, luck, fate, whatever you want to call it. I thank God.
Amy and I spoke about times when we didn't know what road to take, when things didn't go according to plan, when we needed help moving forward, the "Domino Effect" or "Spotlight" would lead the way.
My first Au-Pair family backed out on me, just as I was about to buy my plane tickets to Australia, and I was distraught, didn't know what to do next. But with patience and some praying, I ended up with a wonderful family, in a beautiful place, and I couldn't have arranged it better myself. The little things have been what mattered the most. Stumbling across the perfect place to stay, meeting amazing people, finding a hidden restaurant with the best cuisine, buying really cheap plane tickets, or not getting mugged or raped, are things to be extremely thankful for.
I look back at how fortunate I am. That not only could things have gone really badly, but they have gone exceptionally well. Thank you God, for I am Blessed.
Throughout my gap year I have realized I am a pretty poor planner. Really. Ask my friends. All my life I have tried to plan my way to success, to security, to happiness. But sometimes, that doesn't work out. And there is a difference between planning things thoroughly, and knowing enough to get you by. Abroad and traveling, planning is best, works out usually, but knowing enough and having the skills to improvise when things don't turn out according to plan is essential to survival on your own, and in life in general.
During times when I have felt most alone, there was one thing that kept me calm, and saved me from depression. Moments when I felt most alone, when I didn't know where to turn, didn't have anyone to turn to, and didn't know what to do next, I always thought about God. I prayed. I asked for guidance, for strength, for patience, and most of all gave thanks.
On my gap year, traveling and volunteering, things change day by day. Whereas at home you know all the ropes, know the language, know the area, know people, know how to get yourself out of a sticky situation, abroad, you don't. Some new challenge presents itself everyday; something noteworthy happens everyday.
There were often times I thought I knew where I was, but was lost. Lost in Italy, in France, in Spain, in plenty of places. But you learn not to freak out, because you can't afford to. So I kept my head clear and prayed. Simple things such as looking at a map or asking for directions used to be so intimidating, and so hard to bring myself to do, that wandering aimlessly seemed more appealing.
But with the guidance of God, I always found my way, gathered up the courage to ask for directions in Italian, to take the time to figure out a metro system and get my ass home. Every time I ventured out, "en Dios creo y en nada temo". I don't know how to pinpoint, or summarize my religion, but Jesus is my savior and I confide in God. Whenever I got to where I was trying to go, "thank you God, for getting me here". Thank you God for another day. For another chance to experience something new, to grow, to love, to explore, to fear, to laugh, to cry, another chance to give you thanks.
When you are so unsure of so many things around you, it is nice to know that one thing is always for sure. God is there, He will protect me, and lead me down the right path.
I can't explain how blessed I am. Throughout this time I have spent away from home and my family, the list of things that could have gone wrong is endless and then some. But thanks to Him, things have worked out the way they were meant to be.
I want to discuss something that I came to refer to as the "Domino Effect" or as Amy Dingler so eloquently phrased it, the "Spotlight". I discussed it with Laura Vriend as well, a very good friend I made while working on a farm in Tuscany. Everyday presents knew options, choices to be made, and effects those choices will have. And thank God, the choices I have made with his help have led me down a fun, safe, and beneficial path. I couldn't ask for a better turnout.
Laura and I would talk about how we ended up on the same farm. From the thousands of farms on the list to choose from, we chose the same one. Both first time travelers, both nineteen, both girls, set to arrive on the same day. I was friends with Laura before I met her. And when she got off the bus and I saw her for the first time, I not only knew it was her, I called out her name out loudly as if greeting an old friend. I then traveled with Laura to two other countries and made a friend for life. Coincidence, luck, fate, whatever you want to call it. I thank God.
Amy and I spoke about times when we didn't know what road to take, when things didn't go according to plan, when we needed help moving forward, the "Domino Effect" or "Spotlight" would lead the way.
My first Au-Pair family backed out on me, just as I was about to buy my plane tickets to Australia, and I was distraught, didn't know what to do next. But with patience and some praying, I ended up with a wonderful family, in a beautiful place, and I couldn't have arranged it better myself. The little things have been what mattered the most. Stumbling across the perfect place to stay, meeting amazing people, finding a hidden restaurant with the best cuisine, buying really cheap plane tickets, or not getting mugged or raped, are things to be extremely thankful for.
I look back at how fortunate I am. That not only could things have gone really badly, but they have gone exceptionally well. Thank you God, for I am Blessed.
Misconceptions
When I came to Sweden, I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew that it would be cold, but this is probably as far up north on the northern hemisphere that I have ever been; it's not just cold, it's freezing at times and also dark. Since I have been here, the sun starts to go down around four, and by five pm, you would think it was time for bed. There are about eight or nine hours of light during the day. I found this weird and new, but the sunset around four, was so beautiful. Shades of purple, pink, and blue on the horizon illuminated by the last bits of light from the sun made for a beautiful sight; I'd never seen a sunset like that before.
When I went out to Anna's school I didn't expect everyone to be white with blonde hair and blue or green eyes, but I didn't know what to expect really. To some people's surprise, there are all kinds of people in Sweden, just like the United States. I think that and say duh, but when you see the diversity, and see an African girl that speaks fluent Swedish, it throws you off guard a bit.
What I have definitely learned thus far from being on my gap year and traveling to new countries, is that when you go in with a mindset that things will be one way or another, or with expectations already set, you are depriving yourself of taking in a new experience as it is-something new. Going into a new country, or a new place offers surprises, fears, happiness, solidarity, and moments of pure wonder that has made my gap year truly exceptional.
Everywhere I go, I know a little about the place I am going. Sweden: I knew it was cold, I knew I didn't speak the language, and I figured people probably looked like Ana. But the things you learn about places, people, and cultures, is nothing compared to what you learn once you are in that place, with those people, immersed in their culture.
My gap year if anything, has changed the way I think. Everything I think I know about a place is ready to be replaced with what actually is. Learning about a place in school, or reading a wikipedia summary about a culture is less than nothing, when you really step foot out of an airport, into people's homes, and into the heart of distant lands.
When I went out to Anna's school I didn't expect everyone to be white with blonde hair and blue or green eyes, but I didn't know what to expect really. To some people's surprise, there are all kinds of people in Sweden, just like the United States. I think that and say duh, but when you see the diversity, and see an African girl that speaks fluent Swedish, it throws you off guard a bit.
What I have definitely learned thus far from being on my gap year and traveling to new countries, is that when you go in with a mindset that things will be one way or another, or with expectations already set, you are depriving yourself of taking in a new experience as it is-something new. Going into a new country, or a new place offers surprises, fears, happiness, solidarity, and moments of pure wonder that has made my gap year truly exceptional.
Everywhere I go, I know a little about the place I am going. Sweden: I knew it was cold, I knew I didn't speak the language, and I figured people probably looked like Ana. But the things you learn about places, people, and cultures, is nothing compared to what you learn once you are in that place, with those people, immersed in their culture.
My gap year if anything, has changed the way I think. Everything I think I know about a place is ready to be replaced with what actually is. Learning about a place in school, or reading a wikipedia summary about a culture is less than nothing, when you really step foot out of an airport, into people's homes, and into the heart of distant lands.
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