Blessed.

The night is darkest before the dawn. Or something like that. Feeling alone is a terrifying thing. But feeling alone while surrounded by people may be even worse.
Throughout my gap year I have realized I am a pretty poor planner. Really. Ask my friends. All my life I have tried to plan my way to success, to security, to happiness. But sometimes, that doesn't work out. And there is a difference between planning things thoroughly, and knowing enough to get you by. Abroad and traveling, planning is best, works out usually, but knowing enough and having the skills to improvise when things don't turn out according to plan is essential to survival on your own, and in life in general.
During times when I have felt most alone, there was one thing that kept me calm, and saved me from depression. Moments when I felt most alone, when I didn't know where to turn, didn't have anyone to turn to, and didn't know what to do next, I always thought about God. I prayed. I asked for guidance, for strength, for patience, and most of all gave thanks.
On my gap year, traveling and volunteering, things change day by day. Whereas at home you know all the ropes, know the language, know the area, know people, know how to get yourself out of a sticky situation, abroad, you don't. Some new challenge presents itself everyday; something noteworthy happens everyday. 
There were often times I thought I knew where I was, but was lost. Lost in Italy, in France, in Spain, in plenty of places. But you learn not to freak out, because you can't afford to. So I kept my head clear and prayed. Simple things such as looking at a map or asking for directions used to be so intimidating, and so hard to bring myself to do, that wandering aimlessly seemed more appealing.
But with the guidance of God, I always found my way, gathered up the courage to ask for directions in Italian, to take the time to figure out a metro system and get my ass home. Every time I ventured out, "en Dios creo y en nada temo". I don't know how to pinpoint, or summarize my religion, but Jesus is my savior and I confide in God. Whenever I got to where I was trying to go, "thank you God, for getting me here". Thank you God for another day. For another chance to experience something new, to grow, to love, to explore, to fear, to laugh, to cry, another chance to give you thanks.
When you are so unsure of so many things around you, it is nice to know that one thing is always for sure. God is there, He will protect me, and lead me down the right path.
I can't explain how blessed I am. Throughout this time I have spent away from home and my family, the list of things that could have gone wrong is endless and then some. But thanks to Him, things have worked out the way they were meant to be.
I want to discuss something that I came to refer to as the "Domino Effect" or as Amy Dingler so eloquently phrased it, the "Spotlight". I discussed it with Laura Vriend as well, a very good friend I made while working on a farm in Tuscany. Everyday presents knew options, choices to be made, and effects those choices will have. And thank God, the choices I have made with his help have led me down a fun, safe, and beneficial path. I couldn't ask for a better turnout.
Laura and I would talk about how we ended up on the same farm. From the thousands of farms on the list to choose from, we chose the same one. Both first time travelers, both nineteen, both girls, set to arrive on the same day. I was friends with Laura before I met her. And when she got off the bus and I saw her for the first time, I not only knew it was her, I called out her name out loudly as if greeting an old friend. I then traveled with Laura to two other countries and made a friend for life. Coincidence, luck, fate, whatever you want to call it. I thank God.
Amy and I spoke about times when we didn't know what road to take, when things didn't go according to plan, when we needed help moving forward, the "Domino Effect" or "Spotlight" would lead the way.
My first Au-Pair family backed out on me, just as I was about to buy my plane tickets to Australia, and I was distraught, didn't know what to do next. But with patience and some praying, I ended up with a wonderful family, in a beautiful place, and I couldn't have arranged it better myself. The little things have been what mattered the most. Stumbling across the perfect place to stay, meeting amazing people, finding a hidden restaurant with the best cuisine, buying really cheap plane tickets, or not getting mugged or raped, are things to be extremely thankful for.
I look back at how fortunate I am. That not only could things have gone really badly, but they have gone exceptionally well. Thank you God, for I am Blessed.